Whether you’re assigned to a host family or choose to live with one during your time abroad, interacting with a host family can be the most culturally enriching and rewarding part of your time abroad. Especially if it is your first time in a new country, away from home in general, or first time speaking a new language, host families can provide a more structured, supportive, and welcoming environment than being completely on your own.

When I studied abroad in Annecy, France, for a summer, living with my host family was by far my favorite part of the experience and we’ve been able to keep in touch and visit each other several times since. Though every abroad experience requires a period of transition, I quickly felt very much like part of the family, and I was absolutely heartbroken to say goodbye to them at the end of the summer.

Choosing to live with a host family will most likely be prompted by your abroad goals. If you are looking to become fluent in a language or learn more about the deeper aspects of a culture, then perhaps a host family is a good option for you. It’s also a good option if you don’t have much prior travel experience or are afraid you may battle with particularly brutal homesickness during your time abroad.

Host families are not for everyone, however. If you feel a desire for more independence, or are more interested in exploring the city and meeting locals or other college students on your own, then maybe you’d prefer a dorm or apartment style living. Maybe you want to cook for yourself, travel frequently on the weekends, and be with your friends from your home university – that’s fine too, but just remember that you will always have those friends back at your home school. Your time abroad may be once in a lifetime, so set yourself up to get the most out of it that you possibly can, even if that means doing something different than what your friends choose to do and putting yourself even further outside your comfort zone.

If you choose to live with a family, or are assigned to one, here are a few things to keep in mind before you arrive that first day.

• First impressions matter.

The first week you spend with your host family will set the tone for the rest of your time living under their roof. While you’ll find that most host parents are fairly lenient and willing to give you freedom to explore your new home, remember that different cultures have different expectations. Make sure that you communicate honestly and openly with your host family about what you hope to get out of your experience with them, how much you’d like to be included in family activities, what your curfew is, etc. If your goal for your time abroad is to become fluent in the language of the host country, make that clear to them. Converse only in that language if you must, so that they fall back on that language as their go-to as well. And if they speak to you in English, politely respond in their language. More than likely they’ll get the hint and also switch to the desired language. It may be challenging, but the best way to become fluent is to fully immerse yourself, and a home environment tends to be the best place to do so.

• Be up front about needs and wants

If you have dietary restrictions, make sure they are aware of them. My first night with my host family, as my roommate and I were served meat stuffed peppers and eggplant, we discovered that our host mom wasn’t aware that we were vegetarians and had to have an awkward, overly apologetic conversation with her about how we didn’t eat meat. As an incredibly French women and chef, it took her quite some time to understand what exactly that meant. “Do you still eat ham?” The point is, make it known, even if it is slightly uncomfortable for a few minutes, because you may have a worse experience if you don’t.

• Be gracious

Upon arrival, it is often recommended to bring your host family a gift. Host families usually love learning more about where you’re from and what culture you grew up in, so sometimes it’s nice to bring something from your home state. It breaks down that initial barrier a little bit, and becomes one of the many ways you will say thank you. That being said, you can never say thank you enough. Whether it’s bringing home flowers one evening, pastries one morning, or birthday cards one weekend, little tokens of your appreciation can make a difference. When I studied in France, we celebrated two birthdays, my host parents’ anniversary, and the equivalent of Father’s Day (Bonne Fête du Papa), and every time, my roommate and I contributed a little something to the celebration. It enriched our relationship with the family, and they were both surprised and incredibly grateful that we did so. Even a smile goes a long way.

• Dinner time is important

Especially if you are living with a European family, dinner is a highly valued social and cultural time. Some programs may mandate that you eat dinner with your family a certain number of times per week, others

may leave it up to you, but you will likely learn the most about your family and the culture over dinner. For example, the Spanish tend to eat dinner around 10pm, the French tend to always have wine at dinner, and the Danes tend to have dinners that can last for up to 3 or 4 hours. It all depends on the culture in which you have chosen to immerse yourself, but each family has a special tradition that they practice. Watch what your family does. How do they hold their utensils? What size portions do they eat? What combinations of food do they normally prepare for dinner? There is so much you can take in from just sharing a meal with someone, and dinners are often not only a great opportunity to observe, but to engage in cultural dialogues as well.

Dinnertime gives you a good opportunity to see the family in their everyday routine and to practice your language skills. Though you may feel nervous about holding a conversation for potentially several hours at a time, you will soon find yourself easing right into it.

• Pitch in around the house

Although you are a guest in the house, you can make yourself feel more like part of the family by pitching in to household chores. Some of my most distinct memories with my host family involved preparing dinner, doing dishes, and cleaning up the kitchen, all while dancing around the apartment and singing along to French radio. Not only will your host family really appreciate your effort, but you’ll also get to spend more time with them.

In some cultures, they will naturally expect you to make your bed, do your own laundry, or help during dinner, and you should do so, but don’t be afraid to ask if you can help too. A friend of mine living in a Danish homestay offered to babysit her host siblings a few times so her host parents could have a date night. I had other friends in Paris who offered to cook dinner one time, often a traditional American meal. I remember my roommate and I helped our host siblings with their English language homework, or sat with them while they practiced their musical instruments. By doing so, you make yourself part of the family, and when you miss home the most, you’ll be glad you did.

• A not-so rosy picture

This is not to say that all host family experiences are as wonderful as the one I was lucky enough to have had. Sometimes you might just not get along with one of your host parents or siblings, they may have different expectations for you than you imagined, or the language barrier proves to be too difficult. If that happens, consult the director of your abroad program to get advice or explore different placements, or talk to your friends also staying with host families to see what you can do to avoid conflict. After all, this is your home for however many months, and you want to feel comfort
able, safe and enjoy yourself.

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So whether you’ve decided if you want to stay with a host family or not, think about what you hope to accomplish during your time abroad, and who you want to interact with. Host families are not for everyone, but they may become the reason you fall in love with a country and keep coming back for more. Some host families will start to feel like part of your family after just a few weeks, and I can tell you that that experience is irreplaceable.

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Have a host family experience to share?  Questions for the author? Please leave a comment below!

[accordion_tab title=”Collegiate Correspondent: Sarah Brown” default]

Sarah Brown is a current senior at Tufts University studying English and Child Development. An avid traveler and writer, she spent an incredible semester in Copenhagen, Denmark in the spring of 2015 studying the Danish education system, learning Danish, making lifelong friends, traveling to 10 different countries, and embracing a European lifestyle. She dreadfully misses her bicycle, the rye bread, the sound of the Danish language, and dressing head to toe in black every day of the year. Sarah also speaks French (even to those who have no clue what she is saying), and has traveled to France several times through exchange, language, and study abroad programs in quest of the best chocolate croissant – and to perfect her French. As someone who embraces adventure, getting “intentionally” lost in new places, and meeting new people, she is very excited to be joining the Voy team. After working in the Copenhagen International School this past spring, she hopes to pursue teaching abroad in international schools. Bucket list destinations include: Thailand, New Zealand, Croatia, and Peru.[/accordion_tab]